What people are saying…

I felt the class was a giant permission slip to talk about what is too often kept hidden/taboo. I noticed as the weeks proceeded a real opening-up of the group, a trust that this tenderest of life’s stages (dying and death) has as much value as every other stage. Thank you for the work you and Janine put into creating this safe and gentle space.

Diane Fisher-Katz

Memento Mori was eye opening, thought provoking and illuminative. I learned so much, some of which was hard to absorb.   The hardest part for me was the workshop on dementia and I still struggle with how to think about this. But, the way Eva and Janine presented the material was very open and informational.   Factual, but personal.   I think I could benefit from doing it again.

So much of the experience depends on who is in the group too but it was always very respectful....thank you both for offering this.

Lisa Thompson

I have always enjoyed and looked forward to new challenges and life changes. It’s a little different now that I am approaching 80 - eek!

Old age and death is a unique and most difficult of challenges. Momento Mori workshops are so enlightening and helpful in this regard.

The small group sessions, the materials, the discussions, and the quiet personal support helps me to understand and be more prepared for these challenges. And just as important to me – the MM group has turned into a sweet special community.

Terry Z

Since I missed the get together last week, I felt the need to go over the class materials to refresh my memory. However, I quickly realized that though most of the information was new to me and that it was all so powerful, it was just as much the bonds and trust we built as a group that touched me.

The stories that folks shared about personal experiences, as well as how they envisioned their own deaths, were quite meaningful to me. This included the facilitators as well as those taking the class. Because Eva and Janine were so open to sharing, it enabled the rest of us to build trust. They were the magic that made all of the materials accessible.

Diane Fabig

What did I get from Memento Mori? First of all, I was able to talk about the many facets of death and dying with a group of like-minded people in a judgment free zone. I've talked about death before, of course. I have also experienced the death of loved ones. But any discussions are usually afterthoughts among family members and frankly don't get at the things MM covered: the nuts and bolts of preparing for one's own death, which really should be job 1, but is often pushed aside. There were very clear steps laid out that were in a way generic, but which were also critical to feeling in control of one's "life" until it ends.

I learned a great deal about the aging mind as well as the aging body. Being at the age now where I see issues in both of these domains with folks I know, it was great to have a broad scientific understanding of the inevitable decline. While I can't say that the idea of death (especially my own) is comfortable, being able to have easy conversations about it without bringing in the so-called afterlife (that's what happens too often among some people in my family. I am not a believer in angels and harps) was very enjoyable (for lack of a better term). I feel like I left Momento Mori with much a more sharpened idea of death being part rather than separate from it.

Scott Ingram

Had we done nothing other than cover practical considerations -- the "mechanics" -- of preparing for the inevitable, Memento Mori still would have been immensely helpful.  The unexpected bonus, for me anyway, was the emotional component.  Sitting around a table with others and sharing thoughts on facing the end of life raised questions that I have continued to explore; questions that go beyond dealing with my own mortality.

Chief among these has been the question of how we might help others navigate the shoals of grieving. Why do we sometimes hesitate to approach someone who is grieving? How can we provide support without "making things worse" or being intrusive.

There are the "cultural" issues and questions.  To what extent have our own individual feelings about death and dying been influenced by the experience of our family and ancestors?  What is the prevailing American attitude toward death and dying?  Is there such a thing?  How might we benefit by looking at how people in other parts of the world face death and dying?  So many questions!

Bob J

Thank you for providing a safe place for us to talk with others about death and dying. There are few places where that is accepted and welcomed. It was liberating to listen to people speak about their ideas about death, their own and loved ones.

This exchange made my own thoughts and feelings more readily accessible.

The practical help was also significant. We were given material to help us navigate the at times daunting tasks of filling out medical directives, and suggestions for speaking with family members about our wishes. Writing our own obituary was revelation and a gift. The discussion about concrete aspects of dying and disposal of ones remains were so welcome and helpful.

 Thank you both for opening this door and providing such meaningful guidance as we walk this path.

 Marsha Humphrey

I came into Memento Mori thinking I was already aware of most of the legal, medical and emotional aspects of death.  My family discussed these issues freely and I had all the necessary legal documents in place.  However, I was surprised at how much I learned during the 5 week session.  The videos, reading material and discussions gave me resources that I never had before.  Sharing experiences with the group took the awkwardness out of talking about death with others while giving me greater insight into how to cope with death and dying.   Reviewing the many medico-legal documents made me feel secure in knowing that I had everything in place.  In fact, the class has already been of direct benefit to me as I recently had my annual check-up and discovered that my Polst form was not on file. 

However, Memento Mori’s greatest effect lies in the community of people it’s creating.  As we age many of us find ourselves far away from family and face the challenge of death and dying alone.  To meet other like-minded, kind and compassionate people, willing to help and support each other has been both a welcome surprise and a treasured source of support.  Memento Mori addresses a significant social and personal issue that is underserved.   I would unreservedly recommend this course.

Barbara Takahashi